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Mean Girls (And Boys)

I almost shut down my blog a few weeks ago.

Not kidding.

Before I made a ridiculously rash decision though, I contacted a friend.  I really needed some perspective on how I was feeling and luckily she knew exactly what to say (and more)!  For quite a few months now, Jill and I have been forming quite the friendship.  We email fairly often and I know I can count on her to always make me feel better.  And she came through again!

I am not shutting down my blog.

But I am putting the whole thing out there so you all know why I would even consider such a thing.  And after I do, I’ll either be loved or vilified.  At the end of the day, I only need people in my life who need me in theirs!

A little while back, I received an email (I am nice enough not to say names) from a blogger that was rather harsh.  This struck me as odd for a few reasons: 1- I do not read this persons blog. 2- To my knowledge they did not read my blog. 3- I did nothing specifically to this person to precipitate this email. 

Basically, the email was in reference to a comment I had left on another blogger’s blog.  It was a random comment, wherein I was playing along with what seemed like a fun post.  It is true that most of the people commenting were ones I do not commonly converse with, but the blog itself was one I had been reading/commenting for quite a while.  It appears that I had missed the memo that some posts were to be commented on by only the “inner circle” of bloggers.  Hmmm…maybe a disclaimer would have helped!  Apparently, this person wanted to put me in my place and inform me that I am not part of the elite inner circle and that commenting on people’s blog posts that I don’t know about won’t get me in either.  (They of course did not use the term “elite inner circle” but it was implied that some people are “better” than others.)

You might be shaking your head thinking WTF.  I guessed that, because that was my exact same reaction.  Honestly, I was stunned.

First of all- I do not wish to be a part of the Elite Blogging Circle.  You all know who you are. You are the ones that started where we all started…but as you got bigger, you decided some people weren’t worth your time even if they were your “friends” beforehand.  You are the ones with 500+ followers- and you are so uber focused on that number.  You are the ones who never come around to blogs like mine unless there is a fun give-a-way or exchange.  You are the ones that only comment certain people.  And as it turns out, through emailing with a few people, I am learning that I am not the only one who has been the brunt of a mean email via the “elite” bloggers. 

Second of all- I am pretty sure that if others knew who this person was (or who the others were that I have heard about), they would either be totally shocked or not shocked at all…depending of course in what circle they roll in.

At any rate, that email caused me to reassess quite a bit.  I was trying to keep up with over 100 blogs on my reader.  Ridiculous. I don’t have that much time on my hands.  But I was trying to keep up- to keep up with blogs I shouldn’t even have been bothering with in the first place.  Yeah, that had to stop.  Even more ridiculous is that of the blogs I have stopped reading, I doubt half or more even realize.  And the most ridiculous of all, is that I almost let this idiot (yeah, I am sure you are reading…you ARE an idiot) keep me from blogging.  You almost won.  But that isn’t me.  You don’t get to win.  I will not let you, or anyone, control me.  This blog is staying whether I have three readers or three hundred readers.

The only other thing I will say about this…is that I appreciate my loyal readers.  Some of you have been with me from the very beginning.  And I hope you are for a long time because I do not plan to go anywhere!

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41 thoughts on “Mean Girls (And Boys)

  1. J –

    Man, everytime I think I’ve heard it all, I realize that I don’t know anything about anything.

    So sorry to hear that you went through that, and even more sorry to read that you were thinking about stopping blogging here all together. I can’t or won’t speak for everyone, but I will say this. My life is much, much better with you and your blog in it Jill.

    I hope you continue to “do what you do”as long as it makes you happy. I will keep reading as long as you keep writing …. best to you Jill.

    And yes, man, Landry is getting TOO big TOO fast ….. Take good care,

    Joe (your non-elite blogger friend)

  2. That is awful! I’m glad you came to your senses and didn’t let them win. I enjoy your posts, even if I don’t comment as often as I’d like. Maybe I should trim my list down too so I can comment more.

  3. please don’t stop blogging! I may not always comment but I read every post and I want you in the blogging community! that is an OBNOXIOUS thing to receive. I hear these horror stories and I can’t believe they actually happen. I’m lucky enough to have not received any hate mail or other ridiculous correspondence yet. I blog BECAUSE of the online community and it’s sad when a loud few get in the way of all of the positive energy out there. I’m glad you’re winning!

  4. Wow. This is just appalling. I wonder if the person whose blog you were commenting on knows about all of this. I am just shocked. Very happy you are not shutting down!

  5. AHHHH-MEN!

    I’m not a part of that circle either…and I actually get kind of crabby when I stumble across it. I’m trying more and more to refine my connections, not just mindlessly comment so I can get new followers. I mean, life isn’t about blog comments and a number of followers, right? It’s about reading posts from people that speak to us.

    Thanks for posting this. Very glad you aren’t shutting down – I don’t comment often, but I’ve been reading for 6 months or so and some of your posts have been really wonderful. 🙂

  6. At times the Blog world can explode to more than we ever imagined it would. I have hit “Follow” so many times that I have no idea how many Blog are in my reader.. I TRY to comment when I can but it is hard.. if something like that happened to me I would probably have the same reaction.. GLAD that you were able to find a resolution. You have a very unique voice and aren’t afraid to tell it like it is.

  7. Are you effing kidding me? Someone actually emailed you to say you shouldn’t have commented on someone else’s blog? I am blown away. I’m so sorry that happened girl and I’m glad you didn’t let it stop you from doing what you love. We’re all supposed to be in this together and I get that the more followers you get the harder it is to get around to all of them but I could never even fathom saying anything like that to any one, not even in jest. We’re all just regular people writing about our lives, none of us are super stars or too good for someone with less followers than us. I’m just speechless.

  8. Really? How rude! I get that it’s sometimes hard to get out to every blog that comments or follows, but I can’t imagine not appreciating every.single.comment. And I certainly can’t imagine telling someone not to comment on someone else’s blog!

    Glad to hear you aren’t shutting your blog down. I know I’m an infrequent commenter, but that has to do with lack of time to comment on any blog these days. There are lots of us out here reading and enjoying your blog.

  9. I KNEW it was you Jill and thank goodness you were there to turn to – don’t give up on your blog! It’s childish schoolyard behaviour – we are all free to do with our blogs what we like but that kind of exclusive behaviour turns me off completely. Stick with it! Don’t let the b******s get you down!

  10. Wow. I have no words. That is the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard in a long time. I’m glad you are going to keep on blogging. It would be a waste to stop because of a douchebag.

  11. That is completely horrible. Honestly I cannot believe the state of this world sometimes. Who does these things and who do they think they are? I read a ton of blogs and sometimes it is hard to keep up because like most other bloggers I have family, friends, life and work to keep up with too. Every time someone comments on my blog I am just so happy they took the time to read my ramblings! Its just hard to deal with when others are rude and mean and blogging becomes more about comments and followers than just reading and enjoying other peoples posts and perspective! Ugg. This just makes me so angry! I just don’t understand why people can be that way. Glad you are still blogging!

  12. Unfortunately, I was not totally shocked to read this story – there are a lot of mean people out there. I think you have the right attitude in the face of such awful behavior. I’m glad you are sticking around! Even though I’ve just recently started commenting, I’ve been reading for a while and would miss you!

  13. WOW!!! That is so sad that people are actually forming these stupid ‘cliques’ in the blog world! So sad and petty 😦 Sorry you were on the receiving end of such childish behavior! So glad you are still blogging and don’t ever give trash that like the satisfaction of defeating you!! Us non-elite bloggers need to stick together!! LoL! Hope your day ad week is only full of positive!You go Girl!!!

  14. eeeek!!! what the heck is going on???

    i sometimes feel that i’m getting caught up in too many blogs, etc and with my job, family, friends, training, i just don’t have time to read every single blog out there. some days i feel bad about it but really, when you take a step back, this is blogging. it shouldn’t be taken so seriously, in my opinion.

    sorry you had to be on the receiving end of the email, that stinks. but i’m glad you took it all in stride and are sticking around!

  15. Seriously? Reading your post I got more and more angry. Who does this person think he/she is to sent you an email like that. If you want your blog to be for your little elite group of readers make it private, problem solved right?

    I know what you mean about these “big blogs”. I don’t comment on them because they never take the time to even take a look at my blog. I prefer the small ones, they are more real to me.

    Jill I’m still here and still will be here because I love your blog and I’m glad you still will be blogging and I appreciate all the comments you leave on mine. Like J. said: I’m always happy when someone comments on my blog.

    If you ever plan to take a trip to Holland, know you’ve got a place to stay because you’ve got a friend here.

  16. Sheesh….I don’t need a blog to be a part of any inner circle…I (we) do this b/c I like it, want to keep accountable, ect…I think I have like 4 readers, and ya know what, that’s good enough! I left my ego at the door a loooong time ago, perhaps some of those “elites” should do the same 🙂 Glad you didn’t give in to that crap!

  17. Unreal! I honestly don’t believe that there are people out there that would be malicious through a blog. Is this high school all over again?? Jill, I would miss your blog…..so I am glad you are going to continue writing. I hope that this person not only reads your post, but feels like an idiot when they see all of our comments. If you are reading this, seriously….get a life.
    Jill, you and your blog rock. We all love you!!

  18. I’m glad you’re not shutting down and that you aren’t letting someone stupid get you down. (Well, too down… it’s perfectly natural to feel a little shocked in situations like this!) Anyway, I am constantly amazed at how mean people think they can be behind the protection of the web. Behind the comments & posts, we’re all just humans… and humans have feelings. We never truly know what is going on in another person’s head (even if they write a blog or comment) thus it’s not fair to assume that we do and to treat them like crap. I am sad and appalled that people do this, but especially do you because you’ve always come across as such a kind soul online.

  19. Glad you are not shutting down. I would totally miss you. For instance your MBE that I have not participated in this round but love and always plan to! You are so honest and heartfelt in your posts. I have to agree with you, I love the other jill too. Must be something in the name you guys are great. I have never received any email like this or I have been oblivious. But i have to say it sounds like THIRD GRADE for God’s sake. I put up with this kind of drama during the day. I would not want to come home and get it from “adults” too. Ridiculous. As I tell my third graders, ignore it as best you can and be the wonderful person you are.

  20. Oh honey, I’m so sorry you were put in a situation that you felt bad. I had no idea there was an elite circle…I’m generally clueless when it comes to cliques because I’m always on the outside. You are a great person and from what I know of Jill, so is she. I’m glad you have each other!

  21. Wow! What a dochebag. I for one am glad that you didn’t let him win. I would have missed you.

    I didn’t know there was an Elite Circle, but if I ever start one on my blog, you are definitely an automatic member 🙂 (Disclaimer: Anyone that reads my blog is an automatic member)

  22. That is such horse hockey!! Holy crap.
    Unfortunately, it doesn’t surprise me. People can so often suck.

    I trimmed my google reader recently and felt so good. Then I trimmed my facebook friends list and felt even better.

    Keep on keepin’ on!

  23. Fuck. You just know this is gonna increase my Google keyword DB score. Oh well.

    Jill, usually it’s good to be the better person. In this case though, a smashing screenshot of the email would have been perfect.

    Glad you are healthy! You will not lose your fitness! You went to Florida! And you’re a kickass blogger! Keep it up.

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  26. So weird…

    I’ve mentioned before that I got a weird vibe from another blogger who might be in the “Elite Circle”, and it really threw me off. I can’t say more because I don’t really want to call this person out. Can’t we end the drama?!

  27. umm. you can be in my circle! it’s not very elite. but it is big, it has to be in order to hold my fat rolls 😉

    i am pretty sure you are not talking about me because i only have 200-something follwers and not 500. i must not be a good blogger. haha.

    i love you jilly pie! please still be my friend.

  28. Ugh I hate hearing things like this 😦 actually I have never heard something to this extreme and it makes me even sadder. The blog community is supposed to be supportive and fun not exclusive and mean. I am so glad you didn’t stop blogging!

  29. Hi Jill,
    I’m late to the party but that’s because I rarely have time to blog, let alone read others. That all changes this week though. yay!
    When I do get around to reading my fave blogs, you are always my first stop and I would be so sad if you ever shut down your blog. So I’m glad you didn’t let the elitist push you there.
    I don’t know why anyone would turn away readers or blog commenters for any reason. And if I knew who that blogger was, I would boycott her and tell all my friends to do so too. When you have a blog, the idea is that what you write might resonate with someone else, and how else would you know if you didn’t get comments. Those are some stupid people.

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