I haven often said I had many reasons for taking a blog break. The truth is, with so much going on, I just couldn’t write. I really didn’t have anything good to talk about and I was feeling so down. It has been a rough couple of months- BUT- I am finally feeling on the upswing and ready to dive back into life! Here are some updates to clue you in and give you an idea of why things were so tough!
Foot- my foot is actually finally (FINALLY!) starting to feel better! This has taken way longer than I would have liked and even though I still don’t think/feel 100%, I am happy to report that it does feel good after a long walk or short run. I have been running with my softball girls and on my own a few miles a week. It’s been hard starting over and I am frustrated much of the time. People told me I would bounce right back and I expected too, but I didn’t. This is honestly like starting over from day one again. I don’t love running right now, but I remember how much better my life was when I did, so I am hoping to get back to that real soon.
Work- my job is still awesome. It is the one thing I could count on when everything else was falling apart. It really is hard to be in a bad mood when I work at a place so beautiful. The job comes with the same stresses as many jobs, but there is also so much good to even some of those stresses out. Additionally, I have been coaching softball and even though it makes for long days, I absolutely love it. The girls have come so far since the first practice and we have a 5-2 record so far! That is really exciting given that I have 5 girls who never played before and because of injuries I only have 11 girls on my team. They have really stepped up to the plate (no pun intended) and have made me really proud!
Right now, on top of the day to day work and softball, it is insanely busy with end of the year stuff. But at least my days fly by. Tonight is the 8th grade dance and in the month of May we also have the overnight 8th grade trip, a field day and a community service day. We are about 5 weeks from graduation. I love these kids but I am definitely ready for summer!
House Hunting- I moved. Again. My roommate was CRAZY with a capital C and I couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t like when people leave their shit in the toilet, leave food stuck on pots/plates in the kitchen sink and don’t take the trash out for 4 weeks. I am also not a fan of her naked boyfriend running around my living room. Gross disrespectful pig. Yes, I just publically blasted her. And I am being nice.
Anyway, I am now house hunting and although the prospect of buying is super scary, this is also a very exciting time. I have been looking for a little over a month. I have found some places I love and some that I don’t so much love, haha, but it really has been fun. My goal is be a homeowner by the fall so fingers crossed!
R2– in the weeks that followed my marathon, as I tried to come to terms with a broken foot, I was hit with a huge blow. R2 broke up with me. It was devastating to say the least. And I had no outlet. I felt like my training contributed to some of the problems…but I really had no idea he would just up and call it quits either. Especially since my race was over and life was going to get a lot calmer. R2 gave up a lot for my training- my training didn’t affect just me. He gave up late nights, opportunities for group dates and other things as well. He stood by me through all the training…he was with me every step of the way. If you could have seen his face when he saw me during the race. He was so proud. I just couldn’t see how it all could end. Or why. All I wanted to do was disappear from the world- swim some laps, run the roads for miles…and I couldn’t. I had a broken foot and a broken heart.
You may be wondering what happened. I would tell you, but I am still wondering what happened. One of the hardest things about the break-up, was that nothing actually happened. At the end of the day, I can only be the best person I know how to be and if someone doesn’t want to be with me, there is nothing I could/can do about that. Nothing. And despite the fact that we tried to maintain the friendship, I was still finding myself often wondering what happened and looking for closure. I came to realize that it is a closure I will never get. I have to find it myself. And I can’t be friends with him in the process. R2 is a good guy, and you won’t find me trashing him here…but for right now, the best place for him to be is out of my life.
Training- you could hardly call what I am doing training. Seriously. It’s rather pathetic. But, I do have a half marathon in August and since I am basically starting over with my running, it is time to get back on a training plan. What I want most is to get toned again. I really liked the way I looked last year and between my foot, the break-up, the move and other variables, I really just let myself go. It is due time to get back on track with my eating, my training and my life!
As it turns out, the foot pain I was having during the last miles of the marathon…yeah, I broke my foot!
I had some pain entering around mile 20 but just kept pushing it down and considered it mental. My foot was a little swollen at mile 23, but I put my shoe back on and kept going. Very slow, but moving. And not only did I finish, but I ran the last mile and three quarters. At the time, I really thought it was just sore from running. I had no idea the reality! Turns out, I ran at least 5 miles on a BROKEN FOOT! So it was back in the boot within three days…every day. Every minute (except for showering and sleeping) was spent in the damn boot. I came to HATE the boot. Even after my Christmas party when my friends lovingly, and drunkenly, bedazzled it for me. Still. Hated. Boot.
Bedazzled! And if you are wondering what the heck I am wearing…it was an Ugly Sweater party!
I had plans post-race. And a lot of them. I expected to take two weeks or so off from running, but intended to be fully engaged in other workouts and be racing again by the first of the year. Instead, I had a broken foot. No working out, period! This, coupled with some personal things I went through directly following the race, left me somewhat devastated. I couldn’t work out and I didn’t want to do anything. Or, I should say…I didn’t want to do anything but be angry and throw pity parties for myself. I threw lots of these parties (sometimes, still do) and spent a lot of time thinking about what to do next. It was so hard for me to process that the marathon was over. I was burnt out but at the same time I was craving to be on the road again. And I couldn’t. I really think part of the burnout was going from having such a rigid schedule to having almost no schedule at all. What I had was a friggen broken foot!
I was in the boot until the second week of January. But it wasn’t like I could just up and run again. It was a slow, slow, slow process. It was another three weeks in a brace and only sneakers for weeks after that. The first day I wore regular shoes, I was so excited. My first run was a 1/4 mile. To date, I still haven’t had a run over three miles at one time. Most runs are two miles. I coach softball and run 1/4 mile with my girls every day and once a week we do the mile.
As for other workouts, I lift. That is about it. Lifting.
I haven’t been outside on a bike since the disaster at Belmar. I have swam all of three times this year. Spinning? Nope. Pilates? Nope.
It is April!!!! Time to snap back into the program over here!!! I have a 4-mile race planned for the end of this month, but it is highly unlikely I will go through with it. My main focus is on learning to fit in the workouts that I once so easily made happen. In the last four months, that time has all been filled and now I need to re-focus and re-balance. I am going to continue to take it slow. First re-work pilates into the mix and then swimming. If I don’t get on the bike at all this year, I will be okay with that. Seriously.
I do not have any tri’s planned this year. And I only have two half-marathons planned. I think I’ll probably do a few relay tri’s, as the swimmer, because I really do love swimming. The deal is…I really don’t like biking. Never have. I tried…for years, and I still don’t like it. I really want to stick with running this year. My real focus is on staying healthy (emotionally, mentally and physically) and not getting burnt out. I have spent three seasons in a row battling some type of injury. I think that is another reason why breaking my foot set me back so far. As if the burnout from the marathon wasn’t enough, I was injured yet again. I feel like I am always in recovery. I am done with that for right now; I need a year of good running health.
So what have I been doing? Well, that is another post for another day…
Ok first- thank you for the awesome comments, texts and emails. It took a lot of thought coming back…but I am glad I did. Its awesome to see how much support is still out there. So thank you. And welcome new readers 🙂 I am working on quite a few posts that I hope with help me get through some of the stuff I have been going through. Writing is good therapy…has always been my therapy. I let the things that define me slip away for a little while and I am so ready to get them back. One blog post at a time 🙂
It dawned on me as I looked back, that I never posted any photos from my marathon! It’s kind of funny- when I look at them, I still get the excited feelings I had when I ran the race. Some days, I still cannot believe I ran 26.2 miles. But I did…and here is the proof:
My favorite of them all- coming into the finish!!! (That’s my dad with his hand out!)
Expo! And it WAS the best time of my life!!
Every time I think about the race, I smile. It was hard work and took more out of me than I ever could have anticipated, but crossing that finish line is one of the best feelings I ever had. If I had to do it all over again…through the injuries, exhaustion, pain and even the last few months of rough recovery and personal strife…I would do it over and over and over again. And again. With that said, I have no actual plans of ever doing it again!
Well, it lasted four months. That’s how long it has been since I blogged. In the words of Pearl Jam…”everything has change…nothing has changed” but recently I have been thinking about how much better I felt when I was blogging. And after a few months away, I noticed I still get over 100 visits a day to my blog. A few weeks ago, I got an email from a girl who found my blog after googling about wetsuits and told me she read over 100 of my posts and was sad to see that I had stopped blogging. The truth is, I am sad I stopped blogging, too. It just got so out of hand- I began to feel like I had to keep up with the Jones’s for a lack of a better term. I was overwhelmed with life and coming off of a marathon training cycle that truly burned me out. Recovery from that race was not pleasant and neither were the months that followed for me. Blogging was the last thing I wanted to do. I felt like I was losing my voice as a blogger and in the grand scheme of things, it just didn’t take precedence. Personally, mentally, emotionally and physically, it was a very trying time for me. Honestly, most days it still is. I know I am being vague, but if I am going to get back to blogging, I am going to get back to getting real too. Not sure how often I’ll be writing, especially while I try to find my voice here again and get back to why I started this blog in the first place. But you can definitely expect some updates over the next few weeks. You know, if I still appear on your reader 🙂