During stressful times, like a break-up, some people lose weight. Not me. I gain.
In 2007 after my ex-douchebag-boyfriend got another girl pregnant behind my back, I fell into a spiral of drinking way too much, smoking way too much and working out not at all. Ultimately, it was this break-up that was the catalyst for getting into running and triathlon. It had been a few years since I had been to the gym; my work-outs consisted mostly of out-drinking my friends and eating as much as I wanted. I was always athletic and had a high metabolism so even though I ate, drank and didn’t work out, I also rarely gained weight. Until this time. During the course of my unhealthy relationship and the subsequent break-up, I had put on quite a few pounds.
Fast forward to last year.
I once again put on weight during the over-the-top-drawn-out-for-too-long-dramatic breakup with R2. The difference between 2007 and 2012 is that although I had let myself go between the broken foot and broken heart, was that I luckily had not lost all my fitness. Oddly enough, when I decided to get my butt back in gear this past December, I weighed the same amount as I did when I started my journey in 2007. The same exact weight.
Although I hate both of these photos, I posted so you can see how in both of these photos that I am heavier, but it is also noticeable that even just looking at my face, that I look fitter in 2012. The scale read the same number but you can easily see how different I looked. And that is just judging on my face. (Trust me, it was hard enough to post these photos…no full body shots!)
Now, I am going to post a photo of me currently. I have been working my tail off since December to get back in shape. I have been on a nutrition plan and in addition to running and swimming, I have been taking barre and ballet classes. I knew that I wanted to lose weight and get fit before Mexico, so I really buckled down.
In this photo, taken only a few weeks ago, I am only six pounds less than in both of those photos above.
All my hard work and I have lost only six pounds. But look at the difference in my face. (I really tried to pick three photos with the same head tilt.) I am clearly more fit in this current photo. And that is great, but the biggest difference of all? In the two photos above, I was not happy. In the recent photo, I am. That is a happy girl. I am two sizes smaller than 2007 and a size smaller than just 3 months ago. So while the number on the scale doesn’t reflect necessarily where I want to be weight wise, I know the number doesn’t matter. When I look in the mirror, I see muscle. I see toned abs. I see a body that is being worked hard for. I see confidence. I see all the things a scale cannot show me.
More important than all the superficial aspects, is that the scale does not measure my health. The number tells me little to nothing about what is going on with my relationship with food or my digestive health. The scale is also no indication of my recovery from activity, my stress level or my sleeping patterns. If I don’t get enough sleep, it is not reflected on the scale but rather, I know by the way I feel. These are the factors that impact my health far more directly than my body weight. Individual weight is personalized and unique. There is not a one sized fits all number that people should weigh.
With all that said, I will admit, I still weigh myself. Currently, once a week and only on my own scale. I do not weigh myself on any other scale, ever. At the doctor, I get weighed backward. By weighing only on my own scale, I do not have to question or obsess. My scale is consistent to what I know my weight to be. And sometimes, the number does frustrate me. I am still a work in progress. There will be confident days and not confident days. Of course, there will be days I look at myself and say “you go girl!” and days where I think “what am I doing wrong?” but it will be based on how I feel when I look in the mirror, not based on how I feel when I step on the scale. I will not let the number on the scale determine whether I have a good day or bad day. I will continue to weigh myself as a way to monitor my weight in general. Not as a way to determine my worth.
Do you weigh yourself?
Do you hyper-focus on the number or are you able to see past it?