Jillian Loves

Hello to anyone who still has me on their blog roll :)

Back in December 2011, I wrote this post.

It really should have ended there.  It was the right time.  But like many things in my life at that time, I couldn’t let it go.  So I kept trying.  Kept trying to write when I felt like I had nothing to write about, kept trying to make something happen when I knew all along what I really needed was a good long break.  And a fresh start.  So I took time off (real time) from everything.  I stopped doing things that made me sad, dropped the negative people in my life and got my shit together.  It took a while.  A long while.  But I did it.  Finally.

I started really thinking about writing again last year but I still didn’t know how to transition this blog.  I had decided in early 2013 that I wasn’t going to race that year and now I work out just to work out.  This blog is primarily about running, racing, triathlon, training and things that are a part who I was then, but not now.  Finishing is Winning means so much to me.  The people I met and the experiences I wrote about that I get to relive each time I read about them…I love that. I love this blog.  But this blog really does need be left where it belongs.  In the past.  With who I was.  I carry that girl with me, but I am so changed.

But I couldn’t shake the feeling of wanting to write again.  I missed writing and blogging so much.  I like the community of bloggers but truthfully, even if not one person read, I would still write. (But i want you to read!) I just love writing and I feel better when I do it.  So I decided I would write like I work out.  I would write when I wanted to write, about whatever I wanted to write about.  My blog does not have to define me and I do not need to be defined by my blog.

The time for a fresh start is now.

That fresh start can be found here…Jillian Loves <3

Hope to see you there!

Updates and Randomness

This post is likely to be all over the place because it is May and in May, I am generally all over the place!

Foot/Leg-  I have been cleared to work out.  Great news.  Still no running.  Not so great news.  I’ll go back in another two weeks for another check-in and we will take it from there.  Two weeks at a time.  I am happy at this point that I can get back to ballet and barre and at least use the elliptical.  It is definitely better than only being able to lift because while my arms look like the gun show, my legs and belly are definitely getting flabby and that is NOT how I want to go into summer!

Work- Work is in a word- insane.  May is always crazy.  Not only is there the 8th grade semi-formal and 8th grade overnight trip but it is the end stages of graduation planning and the kids (and teachers!) are checking out.  Additionally, May is about the time we start planning for September.  Double duty.  Craziness!

Random- 

There are two social things happening right now, both of which I want to vent about because I am livid and need to get this off my chest!

1- Charles Ramsey saved three girls lives.  In case you live under a rock and haven’t heard, he was able to rescue a girl who had been missing for 12 years.  She was then able to call 911 and rescue two other girls who had been missing.  Instead of praising this man for being the hero that he is, the media is making a joke out of him.  This infuriates me to the enth degree.  To top it off, while the world is making a joke out of him, he is donating his reward money to the girls that were found.  The world needs more Charles Ramsey’s.  End of story.

2- Abercrombie & Fitch CED Mike Jeffries doesn’t want fat people to shop at his store because he only wants cool and pretty people buying his clothes.  I have never so much as stepped foot in this store (or Hollister) because their sizes make it obvious that this is their mission statement, but i am even more full of rage that he makes blanket statements like “We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”  What a gross human being.  Let’s instigate body snarking and bullying because we don’t already have enough of that with kids.  If you do shop there, or allow your kids to shop there, I implore you to stop.  Please do not give money to people who encourage this despicable behavior. 

In summation, the world needs more Charles Ramsey’s and less Mike Jeffries.

 

It’s Official, My Legs Hate Me

Sometimes, as much as the outcome sucks, it is good to know a decision was made based on correct intuition.  When I pulled out of Rutgers, it was not a difficult decision.  I just knew something wasn’t right.  Remember when I said a gut feeling is not just a euphemism?  This is a perfect example.  I knew what I was feeling wasn’t in my head.  Although, I wish it had been.

Turns out, what I was feeling at Rutgers, was not in my head.  I saw the doctor on Thursday when the pain was only getting worse in my foot/ankle.  I was terrified of a stress fracture. 

The goods news is, nothing is broken in my foot!  And seriously, that is some great news!

The bad news is I have a pretty significant case of Peroneal Tendonitis. 

Peroneal Tendonitis refers to painful inflammation of the peroneal tendons located on the outer side of the foot, a little behind the ankle bump. 

There are two peroneal muscles on the outer side of the lower leg. One long one, called the peroneal longus runs from the knee to the ankle, and one short one, called the peroneal brevis muscle runs from below the knee to the ankle. Both these muscles when they approach the ankle, convert into tendons, which are thick bands of fibers that connect muscle to bone. Both these tendons run side-by-side and curve behind the outer bump of the ankle, then run below the foot where they insert into the bones of the foot.

As the muscle contracts, these tendons pull the lower surfaces of these bones, pulling/bending the foot downward (plantarflexion) and outward (eversion).

Once we had a diagnosis, it was time to treat.  Out of waitressing for 10 days and lots of RICE method.  Additionally in an effort to keep my leg stabilized and because “I can’t be trusted to stay off my feet,” I was also put in the CAM walker for the weekend.  Thank God that was only for a few days.  If I never have to see that boot again, it will be too soon.

And I’ll be rocking this again for a weeks to keep my ankle stable:

2013-04-29_08-34-02_385I know, I know…desperate for a pedicure!

I was also supposed to do this weird thing…I think normal people call it relaxing?  Yeah, I am not so good at that but didn’t have a choice.  I spent Thursday night, Friday night and all day Saturday on my couch with my foot up and ice on and off.  Sunday, I mowed the lawn in my boot- that was a new experience…!   Other than a few errands, my friends housewarming Saturday night and mowing the lawn Sunday, my weekend mostly looked like this:

 wine2Relaxing is better with wine.

As much as relaxing isn’t my thing, I’ll admit it was a nice break.  I run on empty most of the time, so to be able to have a reason to do nothing was a good and much needed chance of pace.  It is hard to stay off my feet at my day job as well but I am trying.  And since I am not working  nights this week, and I cannot afford to do anything because I am not working night this week, the above is pretty much my game plan for the rest of the weekFor now, running is completely out of the question and I have to wait until I am pain free to get back to ballet/barre but I am hoping next weekend to get a work out in, even if it is just slow on the elliptical and some lifting.  I’ll take anything!

It may seem as though my spirits are up; that is mostly due to the fact that I am so happy I don’t have a fracture.  But the truth is, I am really bummed out.  I did everything right training for Rutgers.  I felt so ready.  And for things to just fall apart and me to be back off running is a huge blow.  I am frustrated.  Actually, I am beyond frustrated.  I feel like I am always injured.  While it seems everyone I know is getting better and faster, I am regressing.  My running has never been the same since I broke my foot and I am worried that it never will be.  The other day a friend of mine said she really felt like a runner now that she was fast.  I said she was always a runner because if you run you are a runner.  She replied that before she felt like an imposter.  I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.  Is she saying that slow runners are imposters?  Am I one?  I mean, I don’t think so…but when I am struggling, this is the exact thing that gets in my head.  The exact thing that makes me just want to throw in the towel.  I don’t even know if that is what she meant or if I am just hyper sensitive because I am feeling so low.  I have been fighting injuries for so long…I am not getting any better.  How long do I keep doing this to myself?  I don’t know.  I have to see how this PT goes and in the meantime, I’ll be sticking with barre and ballet and lifting and trying to get strong.   Both physically and mentally.

In other news, to end on a good note…this came in the mail over the weekend:

bosontshirtBest mail I have gotten in a while!

500 posts!

This is my 500th post!

Before I started blogging again, I took a look back at my posts for motivation and to remember why I loved it so much in the first place.  Some made me smile and a few made me sad.  Some are much deeper than others.  A few were really hard to write.   Some just make me laugh.  My favorite ones are the ones that created a forum for conversation and opened others up to tell their own stories.  I also love re-reading my race reports!  While many of my posts are just about my day to day training or about what is going on in my life, I hope I have in some way inspired you as my reader.  I started this blog as a way to journal, but soon found such a great world out there full of amazing people.  Before I started my own blog, I read  A LOT of blogs.  I knew I wanted THIS blog to be honest, relevant, personal and helpful.  I think I have achieved that thus far.  This blog is exactly how it should be.

In honor of my 500th post, I completed ‘100 MORE things about Onelittletrigirl‘, finally added an ‘About Me‘ page.  I figured it was about time!

Whether you have been there from day 1, day 10, day 100 or only started reading this week- thank you!

Rutgers 7.8 Race Report

7.8 what huh?  I thought it was a 13.1?

Yeah…so about that…

My training leading up to the race went pretty well.  My 10 miler was a beast but I chalked it up to a bad day.  My taper runs went off without a hitch and I saw my sports PT three days before the race and everything checked out.  Then, Friday after work my ankle and shin were bothering me.  It was a long shift so I just iced and stayed off it most of Saturday.  Sunday, I could feel it but wasn’t too concerned.  My friend Lisa and I drove up to the race together and while I debated dropping to the 8K, I thought it was all in my head so I headed to the half-marathon start line.

Miles 1-4 were okay.  I really did not expect the hills.  The race is described as flat but it was entirely full of rolling hills.  My calf muscles weren’t happy- I mean, I train in SOUTH JERSEY!- but I was getting by.  It was at about mile 5 that my race started going downhill.  My pace was still fine but my calves were cramping and my shins were on fire.  There was a certain level of “push through it” and a certain level of “don’t hurt yourself” going through my head at the same time.  I was walking a whole lot more than I like and no amount of stretching was helping.  The last thing I wanted to do was give up but I was getting increasingly frustrated.  I would stop, stretch and then less than a quarter mile I would have to stop again.  By mile 7, I had pretty much had it with the race.  The cramps in my calves were getting worse and every time I saw a hill, I wanted to cry.  At this point, I wasn’t running at all and still had over six miles to go.  I really did not think it was wise for me, mentally or physically, to keep going.   So for the first time ever in a road race, I stopped.  At mile 7.8, I pulled myself from the race, walked over to an aid station and had them radio me a ride to the start where I was able to catch a shuttle to the finish line.

I kept waiting for the tears.  To feel the failure in the pit of my stomach.  It never came.  Because I didn’t fail.  I made a decision.  And truthfully, it wasn’t even a difficult one.  I have spent much of the last 3 years injured.  It isn’t worth it.  I have no idea why my legs failed me- obviously, I need more hill work, but it has to be more than that.  Today, I will meet with my sports chiropractor and see what he thinks.  We have already talked about the next marathon (another post for another time) and today we will talk about the path for this year.  I don’t have any more races planned until July, so for now, I am just going to work on getting these legs back in working order.

After the race, I met up with my friends and we had lunch at a local brewery.  The day went on as normal.

Here is a photo from the day-

Runner Survey

I wanted to write more about Boston.  To tell about my sadness.  But it is hard to write when you cannot process.  Right now, I am just not processing.  It’ll take time.  This is all very personal to me, as it is to many of you.  What I know is this…nothing can take away my love for running or for Boston.  Next weekend, when I hit the pavement for my first half-marathon of the year, I’ll definitely have the Boston runners in my heart.  For now though, I’ll share my favorite of the photos that have been popping up:

Also, yesterday I represented by wearing this to work:

As I said when I posted on my page- bad at selfies; sorry, not sorry!

So. Instead of a heart heavy post, you get this.  Stolen from Jamoosh.  Who stole is from someone who stole it from someone and it’s all linked here.  You want in?  Take it, but then link it :)

Best Run Ever-

All my best runs are the ones I have downtheshore.  Wildwood is my favorite place and running is my favorite thing.

beachrunDuring the WW Tri

Three Words That Describe My Running-

Slow.  Steady.  Spirited.

My Go-To Running Outfit

Running skirt by C9 with tank top or short sleeves.  I wear it a lot.  I just bought a new one because this one is so worn out.

skirt5skirt3skirt2skirt`skirtThere’s more, but I’ll spare you!

I Won’t Run Outside When It’s…

Dark.  I am a kidnapping waiting to happen.

Worst Injury – And How I Got Over It

Broken foot. Physically, I got over it just by letting it heal and working my way back a little at a time.  Mentally, still not sure if I am over it.  I have spent a lot of time injured.

footFrom a different injury but I lived in this thing for FAR too long.

I Felt Most Like a Badass Runner When…

I ran the last miles of the marathon on a broken foot.  With a smile.

15Yup- running and smiling despite the broken foot!  Adrenaline can do anything!

Potential Running Goal for 2013

Stay uninjured.  If I get a PR, that is just the cherry on top.

My Next Race Is…

Sunday.  Rutgers 13.1

rutgers