30 Days Of Truth- Day 7

Day 7- Someone who has made your life worth living

I gave this a lot of thought- I mean, how do I even begin to go about reducing my entire life to only one relationship?  The past almost 30 years have been full of relationships; so many people have entered (and some exited) my life.  Some good and some bad…but they were all here.  Most still are here, while a few aren’t..  Each one of them, has in some way, made my life worth living.

But life itself is more complicated than that. 

So here is the real truth: I live for me.  At the end of the day, it is me alone with me.  I have to answer to myself and the decisions I make to live my life.  Therefore, I make my life worth living.

How do you make your life worth living?

Day 1 –> Something you hate about yourself

Day 2 –> Something you love about yourself

Day 3 –> Something you have to forgive yourself for

Day 4 –> Something you have to forgive someone else for

Day 5 –> Something you hope to do in your life

Day 6 –> Something you hope you never have to do in your life

30 Days Of Truth- Day 6

Day 6- Something you hope you never have to do in your life.

This took less than a second for me to assess.  While I do not even have children of my own yet, my biggest fear in life, is losing them.  I cannot on any level, comprehend for one second, what they might feel like or how I would ever deal.

When my friend died, I remember vividly watching his mother scream and reach for his coffin as they lowered him into the ground.  That image is forever imprinted in my mind.  Over the years since his death, his mom has become a good friend of mine.  We have talked for hours on end about Jimmy; she has shared with me much of her grief.  For all the sadness I have felt over the years…as much as it hurt me to the core to lose my friend…I cannot on any level comprehend the hurt in her heart.

Almost 11 years have passed since Jimmy died.  Although not overly religious, Karen will often say it is her faith that got her through.  I don’t know what would get me through.  I’m not sure I have faith like that.  I’m not sure what I have, but I do know I hope I am never forced to come to grips with it.  I don’t want to find out if I can be THAT strong.  Ever.

Day 1 –> Something you hate about yourself

Day 2 –> Something you love about yourself

Day 3 –> Something you have to forgive yourself for

Day 4 –> Something you have to forgive someone else for

Day 5 –> Something you hope to do in your life

30 Days Of Truth- Day 5

Day 5- Something you hope to do in your life

I have been fortunate enough to experience a lot so far in my life.  I have earned, afforded myself and been given many opportunities. 

As a kid I took swimming lessons, did gymnastics and karate.  I started figure skating at age 4.  I began softball at age 5.  If there was something I wanted to try, my parents allowed me to go for it!  Some activities were short lived (karate) and others lasted a lifetime (softball) but they all began as something I wanted to try…or hoped to do. 

Before I was 18, I traveled to Italy and England.  I had my naval pierced, got a tattoo and went skydiving within a few months of graduating high school.  I built a house for Habitat in Kentucky and spent a few months living in Florida.  By age 25, I had moved out on my own and in the last few years I have traveled to Aruba, Florida time three, Colorado and various other places. 

I have lived a full and exciting life.  However, I am not even yet 30.  I truly believe the best years, are the ones ahead of me!  There are all kinds of things I still want to do with my life.  I want to get married, be a good wife and own a nice house.  I want to be a really good mom.  I want to afford my own children the same great opportunities my parents gave me.  I want to take great vacations and experience as many adventures as possible!

I hope to accomplish much more in the years I have on this Earth…I have a bucket list that is honestly quite long.  But at the end of day, all I really hope to be is happy.  It took me a long time to appreciate all of the things I have done in life- appreciate all I have seen, the places I have been and the life I live.  At the end of the day, whatever I am doing…I just want to live happy.

Day 1 –> Something you hate about yourself

Day 2 –> Something you love about yourself

Day 3 –> Something you have to forgive yourself for

Day 4 –> Something you have to forgive someone else for

30 Days Of Truth- Day 4

Day 4- Something you have to forgive someone for.

The truth is, at this point in my life, I don’t have anyone to forgive. 

I actually forgive pretty easily.  It wasn’t always like that; I used to be a serious grudge holding bitch.  But at some point, I just gave in.  It is simply easier to forgive.  It doesn’t mean what they did is okay or that I will soon forget those acts.  And it certainly doesn’t mean I want them in my life.  And that’s just it actually; it comes down to this- not forgiving people who aren’t a part of my life anymore only seems to hurt myself.  I just don’t have the energy for the anger that not forgiving people causes me. And I am not in a place in my life where I want to use space in my heart for resentment and ill feelings.    

If you think I have something to forgive you for, you can rest assured I already have.

Day 1–> Something you hate about yourself

Day 2–> Something you love about yourself

Day 3–> Something you have to forgive yourself for

30 Days Of Truth- Day 3

Day 3- Something you have to forgive yourself for.

The concept of living a life with no regrets is great in theory, but it’s also unrealistic.  I do have regrets.  And instead of pretending they don’t exist, I have learned to use them as tools to live better.

It has taken some time, but I realize now that I have to forgive myself most for not providing myself with a traditional college experience.  I went to community college and did well.  But it just wasn’t for me.  Then I went to hair school.  I excelled and truly did love it- but hated being in the salon environment.  After a few years, I went back to school.  Dean’s list every semester, awards for excellence and accepted in the Dual Program to work on my Masters while still taking classes for my Bachelors.  Then it came crashing down. I’m three credits shy of my degree, that I don’t even know if I will ever use, and in debt to a University that has made every step of my path a difficult one.  It is hard not to think about how it all would have turned out if I had just done it the “normal” way.  But I didn’t- I am here.  And I have to be present here. 

I have to get past the mistakes I made when I was young that still reverberate through my life’s path. I need to remember that I would not have learned the lessons I did or had every experience that has put me where I am now, if it wasn’t for decisions that were once mistakes.

My mistakes are a part of who I am.  I am beginning to realize that regrets aren’t necessarily a bad thing.  My mistakes have taught me priceless lessons I wouldn’t have otherwise learned and have given me an idea of who I do and/or do not want to be.

Mistakes are a part of life.  Regrets happen.  Forgiveness is growth.

Day 1–> Something you hate about yourself

Day 2–> Something you love about yourself

30 Days Of Truth- Day 2

Day 2: Something you love about yourself.

A few years ago this would have been really tough for me.  I still find it a little tough even though I have come to terms who I am and what I do love about who I am.  I always found it hard to determine what it was about myself I loved, without thinking about what others love about me.  How does one learn to perceive themselves without the perceptions of others getting in the way?

Things I love about myself:

  • I am resilient.  I am strong.  I have bounced back from so much in my life.  I am able to self-reflect and learn from my mistakes.
  • I have a work ethic that is hard to come by; many employers are missing out on a great person simply because I have yet to earn my degree.  That paper says nothing about who I am as a person.
  • I am capable of anything once I put my mind to it.
  • I am loyal to a fault.  But I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I like that my friends/family know they can count on me.
  • I love to have a good time.  Having fun is fun 🙂
  • I love that I am unafraid of saying what I think.  I will stick up for myself or others even against the crowd.
  • I love that in crisis, I can usually pull myself and others together.
  • I will stick to my convictions even if they get me in trouble.  I will never apologize for my morals or beliefs.
  • I love that I am willing to face most of my fears but I don’t beat myself up over the ones I am not willing to face.
  • I love my sense of humor.  I think my ability to laugh at myself if one of my better traits.
  • I love that I am not afraid to get in a car and just drive.  I love that I am okay traveling alone but can travel well with others too.
  • I love that, even though I might be a perfectionist, a little bit anal and slightly obsessive-compulsive, I have learned to embrace those things as a part of who I am.
  • I love that I was able to easily write this list!

And a few materialistic things:

  • I love my blue eyes.
  • I love how my butt looks in jeans. 
  • I have GREAT hair! 
  • I love my scars- they are little reminders of where I have been and experiences I have had.
  • I love that I can be girly but prefer to be in jeans and a t-shirt.

What do you love about you?

30 Days Of Truth- Day 1

I liked doing my Truth post so much that I went in search of something else like it and found http://punchitin.wordpress.com/.  Oddly enough, her blog roll includes many of the blogs I read however I had never visited this blog until I found it through google the most amazing tool ever created.  I am all about stealing off other blogs new things so here we have 30 days of truth.  Which is more like 30 weeks of truth since I plan to only post once a week.  Actually, there is no plan outside of the fact that when I feel like it, I will post a Day of Truth.  Cause the truth is, I wanted to post this weeks ago.  I didn’t get to be President of the procrastination club by doing things in a timely manner, that is for sure!

And thus it begins…

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself

The truth is, I don’t truly hate anything about myself.  Hate is a strong word.  But I don’t let myself off the hook that easy…there are a few things I dislike:

I dislike my low fuse…I tend to let really little things bother me.  And the fact that they bother me, bothers me.  I cannot stand when I know I have flipped out over something stupid, especially when it is happening and I cannot stop it even if I want to.  This is something I have been working on and will continue to work on throughout 2011.

I dislike my disdain for change…I am a creature of habit.  I like everything a certain way.  I struggle with change.  Change of plans, change of heart…change of any kind. 

I dislike how much pressure I put on myself…I suppose if you read this blog you are already aware of the fact that I pressure myself.  I put such an insane amount of this pressure on myself that I have literally made myself sick over it before. 

I dislike that I am short. You would think after 29 years I would be over it. You would think, since I’ll be short the rest of my life, I would have come to terms with it. Nope. Still dislike the shortness!

I would love it if you all commented a little truth about yourselves…either here, or if you are interested in challenging yourself to the same project.  What do you hate (or dislike) about yourself?