You Don’t Make Decisions Because They Are Easy, You Make Them Because They Are Right

I have been thinking about this post for almost two weeks now.  I kept thinking over the last few days about how to write this post.  Each attempt ended up deleted because I couldn’t seem to get my thoughts together.  I almost just didn’t write about it at all but knew eventually I would have to, and also, I feel like it needs to be documented here in some capacity as part of the journey. 

I could write a whole big lead up to it, but I am not going to do that. I am just going to write it. 

:taking deep breaths:

I am not running in the Philadelphia Marathon.

Before you read on, please understand that this was one of the most difficult decision I have made in a long time.  I feel like I have failed myself and all those who are rooting for me.  I am disappointed (not so much in myself, just in general) and sad.  However, like my title states: I did not make this decision because it was easy, I made it because it was right.   The only thing that makes this okay for me is the knowledge that, for me at this time, this is the right decision.  But even knowing it is the right decision doesn’t make it any easier.

For those of you who have been following this journey, I feel in some way I owe it to you (as readers and friends) to tell you how I came to this decision.  So here goes:

*Back in the summer when I signed up for this race, I truly in my heart thought I would be ready.  In fact, I had zero doubts about signing up.  I had a schedule, I was feeling great and I was ready to go.  Over the summer, things progressed nicely; I was getting in all my alloted mileage, running well (remember the sub-30!!!) and feeling really good about running a marathon in November.  It never once occurred to me over the summer that I would not be running in the marathon.  I could picture myself running the 26.2 and crossing the line.

*Then September came.  And with September comes craziness.  And I expected this because it happens every September.  Every September the kids come back to school, my classes begin and life goes a little haywire.  I knew all of this when I signed up for the race.  The first week of September was great- I was on vaca, getting in runs on the beach and relaxing for hours a day.  But when reality hit, it came back with a vengeance and I was not ready!   

*My job, which I write very little about, has been extremely stressful.  Working in a school comes with stress, but this year is a whole different beast.  There are many different variables that contribute to this, none of which I am going to divulge on this blog, but it has been a really tough year already. 

*At Rutgers, I am currently carrying the heaviest work-load I have ever had.  While the classes themselves are enjoyable, the amount of work is exhausting.  For my one class, I have a 500-word (approx 2 pages) blog entry due each week in addition to reading and commenting three classmates blogs a week with a thoughtful response to their postings.   Also for that class, a weekly reading and weekly project.  In my other class I have a weekly reader-response paper due in addition to a ridiculous amount of reading and various other papers spread over the semester.  (Be honest, you are exhausted just reading that!) 

*Before I ran PDR two weeks ago, I hadn’t ran in days.  I knew I wasn’t a 100% prepared to run but because my mileage in general was so high, I ran anyway.  And I did okay.  But I didn’t have a great race.  While I was running that day, I started thinking about the marathon.  I started to question if I was really going to be ready.  And more than that, I had to wonder if my body would hold up.  I had quite a bit of knee pain, a little foot pain and honestly, I could not have run another mile that day.  It was all I could do to get through the 13.1.  I knew then, that it was time to seriously give thought to dropping out of the marathon.  

*Last week, with the race over and some time to think, I sat down and wrote a list of all the things that plauging me as far as the marathon was concerned.  Three things stuck out the most: I am stressed out to the max, I have only been running approx 10-15miles a week and I am afraid that running unprepared would put a stress on my body that could lead to an injury.  So, I made the decision I knew was right. 

And there you have it.

Yesterday, I emailed the people at Philly Marathon and asked to be dropped to the half.  So it is official. 

Until now, the only people who I told are my mom and two of my friends.  I am not too proud to admit that I am a bit embarrassed…my pride is definitely hurt.  I am an overachiever and I do not like the feeling of giving up.  But again, and not to beat a dead horse, I do know it was the right decision. 

I believe that one day I will cross the finish line at a marathon, but right now is not my time.        

I Need More Weekend In My Life!

I vote for five day weekends and two day work weeks.  All in favor say “I”!

This past weekend was great, but !whew! was I a busy girl!  Since I was busy doing homework and watching Sunday night TV last night, I didn’t get a chance to do my week in review.  I figure now is as good a time as any…

Friday: 

 At work we had a DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) fundraiser and I volunteered to compete and let me just tell you…DDR is wicked on the quads and calves!!!  It was a heck of a workout!  I didn’t win but it was a lot of fun and the kids loved it!   After work I headed home to get ready for my Gram’s 80th birthday dinner.  We held it on a restaurant on a lake and it was a great time.  I had the chicken parm which was to die for and a few glasses of much enjoyed wine.  Afterwards, my mom, my aunt and I all went to a local tavern for another drink.  All in all it was a great night with my family!

Saturday:

Saturday morning I slept in until 9am!!!  My awful-horrible-no-good-neighbor didn’t come home Friday night which meant I got to sleep in 🙂  The  rest of my morning was full of errands!  After almost a month of not food shopping (the situation in my fridge was pathetic) I was finally able to get to Trader Joes for some much needed items.  Then I hit up Target and went home to do laundry.  It felt really good to get so much done but seriously, I need a maid cause no matter how hard I try, my house aways seems to be cluttered!  Later, I decided to go for a run.  I can admit I have been a little lazy since my race and it was time to get back on the move.  It was a short run, because I had plans and needed to get home, but I did 3 miles @ 9:47 pace and felt pretty good the whole way.  Later that night I went out with a friend for another fun night past my bedtime!

Sunday:

I finished up my food shopping (I shop at like three different places) and went down to my parents house.  I visited with my Pop-Pop and cut my Mom-Mom’s hair.  Then I met up with my mom and we had a nice lunch followed by a very uneventful shopping trip.  I was once again unable to find pants that fit me which sucked, but on the upside I did get two new shirts.  Afterwards, it was back home for a night full of homework followed by some Sunday night TV. 

This week…you guessed it…busy busy!   I feel like I have a paper due every week!  On top of work and school, I am officially in apartment hunting mode- after two consecutive horrible living experience, I am being fairly picky this time and therefore starting early.  Here are my rules:  no complex’s, must have on-site parking and a W&D and most important…I do not want to live under anyone EVER again!  My lease is up in February which seems like a long ways away but I know it will come quick so I am looking now.  Also, I am looking to get back to spin class tomorrow- I really need to get my workouts back on a regular schedule, so I am hoping to get a few runs in this week as well. 

Om, so this post was a little all of the place (scattered, a little like me lately!) and kind of whiney (yuck!) so my thank for sticking it out.  For now, I will leave you with some photos from my Gram’s party on Friday night:

gramMy Gram with her cake 🙂

 momandme

My mother and I – everyone thinks she is my sister!

parents

My parents and I ♥

Give-A-Way Haiku

My haiku’s for Rebekah (I did two cause I am a kiss ass) and her giveaway!!!!  If you go to her page, you can enter too:)

I gave you blog props

And I spelled your name just right

Karma’s on my side ♥

____________________________________

A poor runner girl

Who both works and goes to school

Needs to win contest!

Great idea- I love it and of course, I hope I win!!!


TiaRT- Yoga For Dummies

This weeks TiaRT comes from Kitzzy: Tell us about your experience with yoga as it relates to running.

In truth, her question is much more involved (and actually a question) but the truth is, Yoga doesn’t really apply to me as it relates to running.  However, Yoga does relate to me in the following ways:

  • Falling– for athletic as I am, coordination is not my thing.  Right from the beginning of my first class I was falling all over the place, making a complete fool of myself.  Every time I went to yoga it was a one woman circus and I was the star of the show.
  • Farting– I don’t know what it is about yoga that makes me want to fart, but it’s like my body reserves all it’s gas for exactly the time in between when yoga begins and ends.  And it isn’t just me- girls whether you admit it or not you ALL fart and I would bet you have all let it go in yoga.  And that is precisely the problem- I have the maturity of a five year old when it comes to farting (I am even hysterical as I write this) and laugh the entire class.  Whereas many of the people ignore all the gas passing, I crack up.  This prohibits the whole relaxation thing, thereby defeating the purpose.
  • Sleeping– As ridiculous as the falling is and as funny as the farting is…falling asleep is just plain embarrassing.  The last time I went to yoga, I fell asleep in the child pose.  Not like dosed off…like I woke up and everyone was in a different pose.  I promptly grabbed my stuff and left.   And if you noticed, I said it was the LAST time I went to yoga.

So yeah, Yoga is a no-no for me.

Props Wednesday- Meet Rebekah

Meet Rebekah!!  For the love of blogging, I hope I spelled your name right!

Rebekah has done distances from 5k to marathon and of course she kicks butt!

What makes Rebekah’s blog, Fair Weather Runner, one of my favorites is that she keeps me laughing.  And she does a “Best Part of My Day” post that I just love for its positivity.  They are simple things like running in the snow, taking a vacation or having a good run.  If things are crappy or she is having  a bad time, she doesn’t hide it…but it is not her primary focus either.  Her focus is on being herself and it shows in every post.  Rebekah is funny, positive and not afraid to poke fun at herself.

Oh, and Rebekah is a philanthropist- earlier this summer she started Shoes4Africa…which transpired into Shoes4theWorld.  She collected shoes all throughout the summer to send around the world to those who could use them.  If you are interested in donating email her for sure.  The more shoes the better!!!

Rebekah was recently sidelined from running recently due to foot problems.  She is on crutches and out for Chicago, but instead of pouting (ok, maybe a little [warranted] pouting) she is still going and she is volunteering.  So if you are doing Chicago look out for her at the mile 16.5 aid station.  And keep your fingers crossed that she can pull a speedy recovery (and a double finger cross that it isn’t a stress fracture!) and can still run in her upcoming half-marathon at the end of November.

Look readers, show Rebekah some love.  She is a runner and she is on crutches.  She is doing a lot of good for the world and deserves the good karma of strong feet and legs.  So go visit her blog, send her some love and if you have them sitting around send her some shoes too!

Spinning….

I am so busy, even taking the few minutes to write this is difficult.

I feel like the world’s worst blogger- I have about 4 posts started but not complete. One of those is my “props” for this week. I am really hoping to get it in by tonight but I don’t want to write just anything in an effort to get it done.  So we may just have to wait until tomorrow. suspenseful huh???

I am tired, my head hurts and I still have about 8 hours left before I will be home again. I know, I know…stop whining and talk about running, right?? 

Uh, so about running.  Yeah, haven’t run since the race on Sunday.  Add slacker to the list.

Tomorrow I am taking they day off- I have a funeral in the morning and I am using the afternoon to get two papers done; one is due tomorrow night and one has to be emailed to my professor by noon Friday.  I am hoping that I can get caught up so my head no longer feels like it is spinning off my neck.

I hope all my sick bloggers are feeling better and I hope all my well bloggers stay well.  And I hope you all keep reading even if I am a crappy blogger this week.

PDR Photos

School work is taking over my life tonight (and probably tomorrow night) so no time for a “real” post.  I won’t leave you empty handed though: since I didn’t have them yesterday, here are some photos from the race.

47946-025-021fPretty early in the race- notice the thumbs up as always!

pdr2This is Mile 9- still with the thumbs up but if you look close, you can see the hurt in my face.

47946-880-019fGotta love the photos with the watch stopping

47946-880-020fSoooooo close……….

47946-880-021fFinally crossing the line!!

47946-448-016fOfficial Finisher Picture 🙂