Sometimes, as much as the outcome sucks, it is good to know a decision was made based on correct intuition. When I pulled out of Rutgers, it was not a difficult decision. I just knew something wasn’t right. Remember when I said a gut feeling is not just a euphemism? This is a perfect example. I knew what I was feeling wasn’t in my head. Although, I wish it had been.
Turns out, what I was feeling at Rutgers, was not in my head. I saw the doctor on Thursday when the pain was only getting worse in my foot/ankle. I was terrified of a stress fracture.
The goods news is, nothing is broken in my foot! And seriously, that is some great news!
The bad news is I have a pretty significant case of Peroneal Tendonitis.
Peroneal Tendonitis refers to painful inflammation of the peroneal tendons located on the outer side of the foot, a little behind the ankle bump.
There are two peroneal muscles on the outer side of the lower leg. One long one, called the peroneal longus runs from the knee to the ankle, and one short one, called the peroneal brevis muscle runs from below the knee to the ankle. Both these muscles when they approach the ankle, convert into tendons, which are thick bands of fibers that connect muscle to bone. Both these tendons run side-by-side and curve behind the outer bump of the ankle, then run below the foot where they insert into the bones of the foot.
As the muscle contracts, these tendons pull the lower surfaces of these bones, pulling/bending the foot downward (plantarflexion) and outward (eversion).
Once we had a diagnosis, it was time to treat. Out of waitressing for 10 days and lots of RICE method. Additionally in an effort to keep my leg stabilized and because “I can’t be trusted to stay off my feet,” I was also put in the CAM walker for the weekend. Thank God that was only for a few days. If I never have to see that boot again, it will be too soon.
And I’ll be rocking this again for a weeks to keep my ankle stable:
I was also supposed to do this weird thing…I think normal people call it relaxing? Yeah, I am not so good at that but didn’t have a choice. I spent Thursday night, Friday night and all day Saturday on my couch with my foot up and ice on and off. Sunday, I mowed the lawn in my boot- that was a new experience…! Other than a few errands, my friends housewarming Saturday night and mowing the lawn Sunday, my weekend mostly looked like this:
As much as relaxing isn’t my thing, I’ll admit it was a nice break. I run on empty most of the time, so to be able to have a reason to do nothing was a good and much needed chance of pace. It is hard to stay off my feet at my day job as well but I am trying. And since I am not working nights this week, and I cannot afford to do anything because I am not working night this week, the above is pretty much my game plan for the rest of the week. For now, running is completely out of the question and I have to wait until I am pain free to get back to ballet/barre but I am hoping next weekend to get a work out in, even if it is just slow on the elliptical and some lifting. I’ll take anything!
It may seem as though my spirits are up; that is mostly due to the fact that I am so happy I don’t have a fracture. But the truth is, I am really bummed out. I did everything right training for Rutgers. I felt so ready. And for things to just fall apart and me to be back off running is a huge blow. I am frustrated. Actually, I am beyond frustrated. I feel like I am always injured. While it seems everyone I know is getting better and faster, I am regressing. My running has never been the same since I broke my foot and I am worried that it never will be. The other day a friend of mine said she really felt like a runner now that she was fast. I said she was always a runner because if you run you are a runner. She replied that before she felt like an imposter. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. Is she saying that slow runners are imposters? Am I one? I mean, I don’t think so…but when I am struggling, this is the exact thing that gets in my head. The exact thing that makes me just want to throw in the towel. I don’t even know if that is what she meant or if I am just hyper sensitive because I am feeling so low. I have been fighting injuries for so long…I am not getting any better. How long do I keep doing this to myself? I don’t know. I have to see how this PT goes and in the meantime, I’ll be sticking with barre and ballet and lifting and trying to get strong. Both physically and mentally.
In other news, to end on a good note…this came in the mail over the weekend:
Best mail I have gotten in a while!